addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
