go do what you do best...puke behind churches
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
