And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
