I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
