I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
me + whiskey = a bad person
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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