You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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