I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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