Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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