we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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