Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
