i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
