That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
