she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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