he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
