So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Randomize
