Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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