So drunk its hurt
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
