One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
