I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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