Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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