and she was petting her beer can
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
