Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
