i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
