hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
