...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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