Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
