sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
