he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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