i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
