he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
