you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
