i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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