I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
