Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
