I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
