She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
