All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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