Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
