You don't have asthma, your pregnant
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
