Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
