WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Everyone says I win the strip club
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
