Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
