At least make sure they are 18
Why
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
