I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
