I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
