did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
