Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
