Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
