1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
