I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
