Whod you bang
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
