I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
We talked him into tasing himself.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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