I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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